Dumb as a Box of Rocks
by Satan Abraham
Summary: It's an awkward situation. Howard's been in plenty, but this is a special kind of awkward. One filled with angst and confessions that probably should have stayed shut in. [howdilio] [set between plague and fear] [rated t for language] [mentions of rodilio and onesided orcward]


Howard felt more awkward than he'd ever felt in his life. Usually in this sort of situation he'd make some sort of snide comment, or he'd scowl and leave, but at the moment that felt like something he shouldn't do. Because Edilio used to be the closest thing Howard Bassem had had to a second friend.

"So," Edilio said, clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck. He apparently felt as awkward as Howard did. "How… have you been?"

"Great," Howard snapped. "This whole FAYZ thing is a real picnic."

"That was a stupid question," Edilio muttered.

"Well, we can't all have an artist boyfriend," Howard said, and Edilio jumped. Howard's face twisted into a smirk. "What? Did you think I didn't know? Dude, everyone knows."

"Sam doesn't know."

"Sam's about as smart as a box of rocks, spoken from the person whose best friend is a _pile_ of rocks," Howard said. Grudgingly, he added. "And he's got a lot on his plate to worry about his subordinates' love lives."

Edilio sighed. Ever since they'd moved to the lake, it had been weird between them. Maybe even before – ever since Drake had escaped their care. Like all the stuff Howard had done at the fire had just been nothing. All of the time on the council, with Astrid blabbering about shit nobody cared about, little jokes and a nickname that wasn't offensive – nothing.

"You eating, at least?" he asked, and Howard shrugged. Bottles clinked together in his backpack.

"I get by," he said. "Why do you care?"

"Look, I don't know what happened-"

"Oh, no, yes you do," he said. "What happened is, right around the time Drake broke out, which was _none_ of my fault, no matter what any of you idiots say, even if I had been there there's nothing I could've done except be whipped to death, you found a boyfriend. And so anything that we might have had was gone. Because you, along with everyone else, decided that I'm no good for anything but selling booze to kids, even though I helped more than fucking Astrid or Albert did during the fire. So you know what? That's all I do.

"You'll be happy to know all of the kids I sell booze and drugs to are in Perdido Beach, still. Annoying to get down there, but you know what? Nobody wants me around here, anyway, even Orc's gone soft on me. So you know what? It doesn't matter."

Edilio chewed on his lower lip. He looked tired. There were bags under his eyes and his hair had gotten shaggy, even though he'd been all about it being short before. It looked better short, even if he was sorely tempted to make a Brokeback Mountain reference when he considered the cowboy hat.

But he restrained himself. Because he was in more of a pissy mood than a joking mood. Even if to everyone else it all seemed like the same thing.

"I'll let you go, then," Edilio said, turning around. Howard, disappointed but not quite sure why, headed back in the direction that he'd been heading when this whole awkward shitstorm had started. But his voice stopped Howard short. "Wait."

Howard turned to face him, crossing his arms over his chest and shivering.

"You said… what we could have had," he said. "What… I mean, you know about me, but…"

"Really? Because Penny guessed it right away," Howard said. "I go up there with the sleeping pills and she goes 'Orc or some other guy?', like there's not even any doubt."

"I don't like to assume," Edilio said, and Howard guessed he got that, what with the whole 'boyfriend' thing. "But – wait, Penny? I-"

"Stop thinking about your job for once, Deely-O," Howard said, and Edilio shut up. "Look, I just – you've got a boyfriend now, anyway. Before it was kind of a – I kind of figured, and I mean, I wanted to know if it was really what was going on or if I just had feelings for Orc because I don't have any friends, but then we got closer and it started to – I mean you don't care. You've got a boyfriend and a kid, man. It's like a little family."

Edilio looked just about speechless. Unfortunately, he wasn't.

"You should have said something."

" _Said_ something? Why would I do that? I didn't know for sure if you were gay. I don't know for sure if I was gay."

He shrugged, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture.

"What the hell was I supposed to do?"

He swallowed and took a step forward, hearing the bottles clink again.

"Don't run and tell your boyfriend, I'm pretty sure he could beat me up."

And so then Howard grabbed Edilio by the collar and kissed him. It was awkward – Howard's first kiss, and Edilio hadn't been expecting it. After a few seconds, Howard backed away, the sound of his heart pounding through his ears and the clinking of bottles following him.

* * *

 **I just needed some angsty Howdilio, and not the kind that's currently happening in** _ **Real Boyfriend.**_ **Also, there's no way they didn't get close in Lies & sort of into Plague, but then by Fear? It's like, they're nothing. Like, Howard was all worried about Edilio in Plague, but it was kind of awkward, and I just – have a lot of feelilngs about why that's that way.**


End file.
